This Is What Children with Asperger’s Syndrome Wish You Knew
Updated on January 22, 2024
Asperger’s Syndrome, which is now included under the broader Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis, is one of the most misunderstood developmental disorders on the autism spectrum, largely because it remains shrouded in stereotypes and prejudices. We need to confront these misconceptions which do more harm than good. They put children in boxes, reducing them to a meaningless check-list of symptoms and antisocial behavior. And it’s only by educating people and confronting the myths and misconceptions head-on that people will learn to stop putting special children in these boxes.
While Asperger’s Syndrome is on the autism spectrum, children with the disorder don’t have cognitive or speech difficulties. Typically, these children struggle in social situations which require interaction with others. They also have a hard time expressing emotion and reading social cues. However, what many people don’t realize is that most children with Asperger’s grow up to be high functioning adults who lead independent lives.
With a better understanding of this condition, more people will understand that Asperger’s Syndrome is a unique way of seeing the world that comes with its own set of strengths. To challenge the way people see Asperger’s Syndrome, we’ve put together some of the most common myths about the disorder.
1. It’s something you outgrow
It’s not uncommon for people to dismiss the behavior of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome as nothing more than antisocial tendencies which will be outgrown. While a child may develop skills to cope, Asperger’s is a lifelong condition. Of course with the right support, children with this condition can learn to use their unique traits to accomplish goals others would struggle to achieve. These children also tend to have unique abilities including impressive attention to detail, dedicated work ethic, excellent verbal skills and high intelligence.
Why is this so damaging?
Many children with Asperger’s Syndrome go undiagnosed mainly because the symptoms are dismissed as a behavioral problem that can be outgrown. In fact, recent research suggests that as many as 50% of the children with this disorder go undiagnosed. By not taking it seriously enough, we’re preventing children who need help and support from leading fulfilling lives.
2. Being antisocial is a choice
Children with Asperger’s Syndrome tend to suffer from social anxiety and lack the skills needed in social interactions. For them, being antisocial is not a choice. These children rarely know what’s appropriate to say in social interactions, and have difficulty understanding body language, facial expressions and other social cues. This makes every interaction stressful and overwhelming. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome simply aren’t wired to be social. The sad thing is that often these children want to interact and build relationships with others. They simply don’t know how.
Why is this so damaging?
Children with this condition can learn to behave appropriately in social situations and make friends with the right help. But for this to happen, parents, teachers and other children need to look beyond the stereotypes, and be understanding of the child’s unique social difficulties.
3. They lack empathy
Most researchers refer to two different types of empathy: cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. People with Asperger’s Syndrome tend to struggle with cognitive empathy, but are fine when it comes to emotional empathy. This means it takes them time to understand the emotional significance of a situation. A child with Asperger’s is unlikely to react to bad news immediately, but once they’ve had the time to process the event they’ll respond more intensely than other kids. Rather than lacking empathy, children with Asperger’s express feeling in an unconventional way.
Why is this so damaging?
Swiss researchers have found that rather than feeling too little, people with Asperger’s feel too much. Because these children are hypersensitive to new feelings and experiences, they can easily feel overwhelmed which can cause them to withdraw. By dismissing a child as lacking empathy, we’re depriving them of the social interaction that could make it easier for them to process their emotions.
4. They are violent
The media has done a lot to perpetuate the link between Asperger’s Syndrome and violence. Much of the conversation around the Sandy Hook Elementary School mass shooting, for example, centered around the fact that the shooter had been diagnosed with Asperger’s. There is, however, no scientific basis for this damaging misconception. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders clearly states that there is no connection between violent behavior and Asperger’s.
It’s important to distinguish between violence and aggression. Children with Asperger’s tend to exhibit more aggressive behavior including pushing, shoving and angry outbursts. But this behavior is almost always reactive rather than intentionally violent behavior intended to cause harm.
Why is this so damaging?
This misconception makes it less likely that other children will want to befriend a child with Asperger’s. For a child that already struggles with social interaction, being ostracised is damaging and will further hamper their emotional development.
5. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome aren’t normal
Sometimes when people hear that a child has Asperger’s their first response will be something along the lines of: “But you look so normal.” This is hurtful and ignorant because there is nothing abnormal or atypical about a child with Asperger’s. These kids may struggle interacting and have other sensory processing issues, but in many ways are just like any other child. They just need someone to show them the way, and help them fit in.
Why is this so damaging?
The idea that children with Asperger’s are not normal is very damaging. It’s perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions about the disorder. It can result in these special children being excluded and treated differently, when all they need is to be shown love.
Do you or someone you know have children with Asperger’s Syndrome? What’s the one thing you wish people knew about your special child? Share your thoughts in the comments below and help us challenge the stereotypes.
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I would like to people to know that these children are often quite gifted and that they can come a long way if others are more exposed to the facts and don’t judge them. I believe all schools should show a video concerning special needs children to elementary children so that they can be exposed to it at an early age and welcome these children a little more with open arms. Understanding leads to bring understood and being understood provides security for these kids.
All these things are SO TRUE! My daughter has AS – and always will – but through behavior therapy (and also meds for depression), she has grown up to be an amazing woman.
Can you please consider changing the word antisocial to asocial or socially distant or socially withdrawn? The word antisocial in the psychological and legal community suggests a person who may be amoral, unethical, deceptive, and manipulative.
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A big one for me is not all children with it are anti so ial and withdrawn. My older boy is very social, easily makes friends and plays well in large groups. He initiates interactions. But he does not pick up on body language and social queues to know when he needs to back away and give people their space. He doesnt know when to stop. People get mad at him and he doesnt understand why.
His brother is more typically witbdrawn and gets easily emotionally overworked. He has a hard time expressing himself.
This is the best article I have ever seen describing Asperger’s. I work in special education with many of these sweet souls and watching them thrive with just a little bit of help gives me much joy. I especially liked the comment that if parents, teachers and OTHER CHILDREN understand them it can make all the difference. Without disclosing private information I always try to help other children understand what that child needs to fit in and be a friend. One of the most rewarding moments I witnessed was when the students in the class realized that a special student was a Wiz at remembering the smallest detail. He helped is team to win a knowledge contest at school.
My son is 11. He wants friends so badly but he doesnt know how to approach other kids. He is a sweet kind hearted little boy. And thats the fact he is a little boy. People see this hyperactive kid and blow him off. He gets hyper because he wants to play. I wish more parents and kids could see beyond the humming and social awkwardness and see the great kid he is.
The one thing I would like people to know about my apergers son. Who is 20 now. He has a heart of gold and he is a happy guy. Dallas was diagnosed with PDD,ADHD,Mild Apergers and below average IQ 67. With hard work and dedication he has graduated high school and works in the retail business.
Fantastic information this is my grandson to a t . He struggles with social interaction and really doesn’t know the meaning of true friends. I will in the future introduce him into more social situations so he will be more comfortable learning socialization . He is very smart as stated above but needs to be led into the right direction.
Yes one thing is proper use of socialmedia my son feels like everyone is his friend because they r friends with him on facebook
My oldest son, 17, has Asperger’s. I have had people label him many times throughout his life, from “your child will need a caregiver for the rest of his life to your child is lazy, to your kid will never reach any meaningful life”. Course then I also have received, “Your son is exceptionally bright but you wouldn’t know it given his shy and quiet nature” to the other end of “your son needs to be held back due to his social readiness and maybe special Ed would be more appropriate”. Sigh….What I see is this; My son has issues with affection and social interaction, yes, but, he reaches honor roll, is driving on his own, holding down a part time job, and will be going to college to major in computer science. He plays in band and has a few close friends. Dating has not quite happened yet, but hey thats okay he will do it when he is ready. He goes out to social events that he enjoys. He can cook for himself and take care of himself (with some mild prompting). I have no doubts my son will achieve his dreams. He has come so far to being nonverbal in kindergarten to not needing any therapies currently. I see him as a regular teenage boy, we do not let Asperger’s rule his life.
The one thing I would have people know is that not every one with Aspergers is a child. Adults have it. Other people should treat us as adults first, not as children. It is very frustrating to have others start telling me how to live my life as if I am not capable of this because I have Aspergers
Parenting a child with Asperger’s is a challenge when balancing their needs with other children both in the home and in public. I often feel great guilt for the inequality of attention given and required by my daughter vs. her sisters.
as an adult with aspergers… some of actually do have speech and cognitive difficulties.
It’s even worse when your an adult that has learned to cope and function in the neurotypical world. I always knew I was different, but didn’t realize why until I had a child diagnosed with ASD/SPD. I did a lot of research and started to see many signs pointing to myself. Thought it would be a good idea to get diagnosed but the doctor I went to said I didn’t “fit the profile” because I was too social. A skill I’ve learned to perfect over several decades of trial and error. Too social, yet social situations give me severe anxiety to this day, but I’ve learned how to hide it and fake my way through. I guess too well.
Great article and information. My grandson has AS and he is the light of my life. I wish everyone could know and understand the struggles these children go through. More importantly that they could see inside the amazing friends these kids can be. Thanks for getting this out there.
When talking about people who have a difficult time socializing or prefer to be by themselves rather than socialize with others, reduced sociability is the way that should be referred to, especially on a post meant to be used as a helpful tool for others. The term “antisocial” does not mean lack of sociability, it means something entirely different and is used to classify one of the personality disorders. Mayo clinic summarizes on their website: “Antisocial personality disorder, sometimes called sociopathy, is a mental condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others. People with antisocial personality disorder tend to antagonize, manipulate or treat others harshly or with callous indifference. They show no guilt or remorse for their behavior.”
Asperger’s isn’t even a valid diagnosis. It is autism, plain and simple. You don’t hear others saying “He has Kanner’s”. You are either autistic or you’re not.
Not just children. Adults too.
My 14 year old son is an Aspie. One thing that causes him problems is his lack of a filter when it comes to making comments. He thinks, he blurts. Not good in a classroom.
I wish people understood that these are not “whiney” or “spoiled” and don’t need to “toughen up”, nor are they’re parents “helicopter parents” or “overbearing”, “controlling” or “overly critical”. The sensory sensitivities are physically painful, and emotionally overwhelming, not just uncomfortable. They do not “throw fits” or have “temper tantrums”. These “aspie meltdowns” are in fact the child equivalent of an anxiety or panic attack. A child with Asperger’s can be a very eloquent speaker when it comes to subjects of special interest or academia in comfortable surroundings. However, many are unable to verbalize or think rationally during times unexpected of emotional stress or anxiety. They literally go into “fight or flight” mode. Many times children with Asperger’s may require intervention through Special Education related services , despite making good grades, because they need assistance coping with the classroom environment in order to continue to be successful throughout their school years. Many times the social and emotional communication deficits make it difficult for children to navigate the classroom environment and they fall through the cracks of the educational system. Many schools do not recognize the indirect connection between these kinds of deficits and classroom behavioral issues that cause decline in grades, attendance and cause removal from the classroom.
As a mom of a child with autism, I wish people knew that no amount of discipline or reward will cause my child to “snap out of it.”
I have an adult child with this disorder. I’m finding it difficult to find employers that understand his special traits. It’s frustrating.
Yes my name is William Lewis when I was in high school my teacher said that I had Asperger syndrome because I didn’t socialize with people I was wondering can I do to find out if I still have it or not
I just wish people could understand what it feels like. Like when your heart is breaking because you have lost a loved one it almost feels like physical pain. Unbearable physical pain. When I am overwhelmed by a situation it literally causes physical pain . I have to leave or run away because the situation is actually hurting me and I feel as if I must get as far away as possible until it stops hurting. This is an every day struggle for me. Every day I wake up and if things are not exactly how I need them to be. My mind goes hay wire my muscles ache I get nauseous I want to cry and scream and run and anything to make it stop hurting. But it almost never does its like one attack after another. Everytime I’m surrounded by people there always going to be something that goes wrong something that upsets me and causes me pain. So I am in constant struggle choosing between remanning alone unhurt where I am safe or engaging others socially knowing I am going to get hurt it’s not if it’s always when. And hoping that whatever my reaction is it will not cause me to lose another friend.
I wish people knew how overstimulating everyday life is for my son. When other little children were learning social skills, mine was learning how to regulate himself and try not to freak out over all those out of sync sensations. .
This is one of the most clear & sensible articles I have seen regarding Asperger’s. I wish more people would read it & understand.
I have lived with aspergers my whole life myself. My mom tried to get me diagnosed as a child but like it says above they thought I was just shy and had some learning disabilities. My sister is a special Ed teacher and through her education was able to figure out that this is what I have. It helped me so much to know what makes me feel so overwhelmed and uncomfortable in social situations. I have met several children with aspergers and I can understand and identify with them. It’s not always an easy thing to live with but I do pretty well I have a very supportive family. I hope that children today can get the help they need I’m sure it would have helped me all those years ago maybe I wouldn’t have been teased so bad as a child. I say to people out there if you know or meet someone and they seem quiet or very shy don’t think they are ignoring you they may just be scared or overwhelmed they may have aspergers. In my case I’m appreciative when someone will come to me and say hi. Thank you
Your article makes some good points, but I find your use of the word “antisocial” troubling. “It’s not uncommon for people to dismiss the behavior of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome as nothing more than antisocial tendencies which will be outgrown.” In psychology the word antisocial is connected to Antisocial Personality Disorder, a diagnosis marked by behavior which persistently violates the rights of others. People with that disorder aren’t fumbling around, trying to understand social cues. They take pleasure in the pain of others. In an article that is supposed to be debunking myths about Asperger’s Syndrome, the use of this word leads to a lack of clarity. The connection with Antisocial PD is very negative. If you want to say kids with Asperger’s are unsociable, then say unsociable.
You are actualy perpetuating another myth with your #2.
Not all children with Aspergers are antisocial. My child is VERY social, yet he still lacks social skills. He may not fear saying things to others rather he says whatever he thinks.
He still gets stressed in new situations and big groups but he wants information about everything instead of shutting down.
Excellent article!
I wish other people knew how deeply caring and loving he is. A person doesn’t see that unless you spend time with him. It’s a DEEP love of people and animals.
Asperger adult here. We aren’t normal. The rest of it spot-on. But telling us that were normal. Is far more damaging especially later in life.
My 11 year old son was just diagnosed with ASD without accompanying intellectual impairment (what used to be called Asperger’s). He’s very bright, but doesn’t always know how to act in social situations. I’m so glad that we’ll soon have an IEP for him to help him continue his education and development into successful adulthood.
While I take issue with some of the language you’ve used here – my needs are not “special,” they are needs and should be met even if they are not “normal,” and for all your talk about how ASD is not outgrown, you keep talking about children, rather than autistic PEOPLE – this is much more understanding and empathetic than most mainstream autism resources are. I hope you continue to expand your view and make your site even more inclusive and respectful to autistic people.
My son has Aspergers. My problem is how people sometimes think he is being difficult or lazy when he avoids work that is difficult. They say he should just ask for help. Asking for help is the hardest part for him. He tries to ask but when still confused he just shuts down.
unfortunately according to the new DSM there is no such syndrome as Asperger’s it now all falls under the PDD Autism spectrum diagnosis
The hardest thing that my son and I deal with everyday is he wants to fit in and talk to kids his age. But alot of times people just will stare at him and laugh among there friends or just be down right mean and tell him to get away from them and he is weared .My son has Asbergers but in a way that makes him great.Because he don’t see differences in people or. Possess any sarcasm to anyone he will talk to anyone or be friends with anyone whether they are black white hispanic have a deformity or anything like that and he just don’t understand why anyone could be mean to him. There needs to be a more of an awareness a better understandings to the public about Asperger’s Syndrome because if people took the time to get to know these kids they could really learn something from them
“I am perfectly Normal, just not average…and who wants to be average?”
I am on the autism spectrum, and have overcome great obstacles to become a successful adult. I am married, employed, and a contributing member of society.
I actively advocate for autism acceptance, not just awareness. A significant percentage of the population is on the spectrum. It is high time we become visible as more than stereotypes and demand our place in society!
This described my son to a tee! My son wouldn’t hurt a fly, literally. That’s another key component. These kids are very literal! They take what is said word for word. What I wish is that kids, actually teens who aren’t suffering from any such issues, would be taught this information and take a kid whose struggling and lead them or include them in social situations. That’s all they want, to be included.
My son struggles to make friends due to his Aspergers but if kids could see and get to know my son the way I see him..? He would have a ton of friends! He’s extremely funny and makes people laugh. (People he knows anyway, adults mostly.) But kids would love him if he would show his funny side, just be himself!!
My son is a very loving person. He doesn’t like to be touched very much, not a cuddler. Struggles with social situations, i.e. school, sports, etc. I wish other kids could see how truly sweet and kind he is. He comes off as very “bossy” or has to be right. Doesn’t really understand friendship and how it works. Like having more than one friend play at a time. Unless it is one on one he feels automatically left out. I wish I could change this for him. Assure him he is a great kid and had self confidence. I just wish he didn’t struggle so much or feel so left out all the time.
Is it possible that a person diagnosed with bipolar and social anxieties really has
Aspergers Syndrome?
Best explanation I’ve read! thank you!!
I have been trying to get my son diagnosed since he was about 2 or 3 yrs old. He was seeing a counselor then because he was very angry that I was pregnant with his sister. We have been in and out of counselors, doctors and nurses. He saw a psychologist and no one would give us a diagnosis.. he had almost all of the issues Aspie’s have. We were always told that his IQ was too high to have it. We struggled with all of this on our own, he is almost 21 and has a job and a car. Things I never thought I would see. In all of those things his Asperger’s still shows up, very organizes, anxiety, social clues, etc. How can I get my adult son get tested to see if he has it? Please help me out,
My entire life, I have been perceived as lacking emotion or being overly emotional.
Having Aspergers AND being an empath is a double whammy. I feel everything, but either express myself as all or nothing, damned if you do, damned if you don’t, impossible to win.
I have an adult child with it, she was misdiagnosed and I can’t seem to communicate with her – she can be mean. I wish there was a class we could take or something.
My son is everything described above except he is the most loving and caring person I know. I just wish the children in the neighborhood that we live in would give him a chance. I try to explain to them that my son thinks a little differently but he just wants to be included and play. Sometimes it works but more often it doesn’t. A lot of the time he gates threatened and bullied which makes him want to hurt others.
This article will be a blessing to many misunderstood aspies – but it does not underline that the Karolinska Institute has recently published evidence that people with autism spectrum disorders at high risk of dying prematurely and those without developmental delays (such as e.g., Aspergers) have higher risk it will be by suicide and that Penn State University quantify that risk in children with autism spectrum disorder as 28 X greater than ones without autism spectrum disorder. I know it is hard to articulate these words, as if by just saying them you somehow make it happen. But someone has to say them to avoid the awful situation of a parent coming home and finding their child dead from hanging, drowning, poisoning or overdosing.
Yes! My son was thought to have those issues but we went to several doctors until we found one that could fully explain why our son did the things he did. He was diagnosed with Autism due to the fact they have now changed the diagnosis to Autism Spectrum Disorder but the Doctor said if he would have been diagnosed sooner it would have been Aspergers Syndrome and we wouldn’t have had so much trouble getting a diagnosis.
I wish they knew how hard it is for Aspies sometimes. How hard they work to overcome hurdles!! I wish that when I am explaining what Aspergers is and person saying, “Well that is just like any other kid!” I wish they took time to see my sons heart and how big it is and that he is really a cool individual when you allow time to know him!! Our son is now 18 and we couldn’t be more proud! Graduated high school, going to college, and working part- time!!!!
I was officially and properly diagnosed with aspergers & mild Tourette’s when I was 30. Growing up in the 80’s in a small town, we had limited resources and getting any type of answers towards my condition was impossible. I had difficulty socializing properly, could not grasp social cues, and displayed what was considered “odd” behaviors. Looking back after my diagnoses, my family and I think about the things we should’ve done had we had known my real condition. My mother would not allow me to dwell on what was wrong with me. She would give me great advice on how to socialize and sometimes it worked, other times it did not. I wouldn’t change my childhood as an aspie for anything. It made me who I am today. And I wouldn’t change anything my mom did. She had no clue what she was dealing with and she did the best she could. I think she did pretty good. I’ve surprised everyone who knew me back then. I’m a college graduate, successful in my field of work, and making it on my own!! I have bad days and I have good days. I still stem & have mild echolalia, but I work hard on myself daily. No, one does not grow out of this, but one can adapt to it. Thanks for hearing my story.
My son was diagnosed with aspergers at age 6, with a lifetime of work and tons of love and guidance he is amazing. Extreamly intelligent, tenacious and adapting well to adulthood his way. We have an amazing relationship and I’m beyond proud of him for being himself and never sorry for it. It took an enormous amount of work but so did my other children, every moment worth it.
I believe I have a child with aspergers. Now it hasnt been diagnosed. But everytime I do take him to a psychologist they just give him tests and he passes them with flying colors. But at home he has his good and bad days. He is seven years old. But he isnt your typical seven year old. He wines aboug things like a five year old. He throws temper tantrums. And he doeant communicate like a typical five year old. He was a late bloomer growing up, on talking and walking. But today his four year old brother is passing him with flying colors. You can talked to him and carry a conversation with him. But you can tell that his vocabulary isnt on a seven year old level. At school the other kids notice this. But cause he is a private school and his school is also our church the kids respect him. But u can tell that he is somewhat treated dofferently. How can I get jim tested correctly??
Most studies and articles I’ve read say that unemployment or underemployment is close to 85% for adults with AS? Our 21 yr. old son and almost all his friends with HFA are under or unemployed. The article mentions that most can lead independent lives? If that means managing a bank account, preparing meals and dressing themselves, then yes. Complex life planning and executive function, not so much.
MLM, AS is a valid diagnosis! It is on the autism spectrum.
As an adult female Who has recently been diagnosed with ASD (formally referee to as high functioning autism or Aspergers Syndrome) I wish people knew and we’re more aware of the different behaviors exhibited by males and females. Females with ASD may present more like a neurotypical male of the same age. I was a very black and white child, I knew what was expected of me, so that’s what I did. To this day I don’t have a clue what I actually like to do because I’ve become so used to blending in. Did I play viola for 12 years because I liked it or because the teacher said they needed one in the fourth grade and I didn’t want to disappoint my parents by quitting? No idea, because I don’t process emotions like others do, so I honestly don’t know if I liked it for me or someone else. I wish we knew what to look for when I was a child. It would’ve saved a lot of heartache. Life isn’t hard because I’m depressed, I’m depressed because life is hard.
Children and adults. I’m an Aspie, 50, and have two Aspie boys, 17 and 11. We are worlds apart, yet so close in specific ways. I didn’t grow out of my “Aspie ways” from childhood; I simply had to learn to adapt. I still prefer not to socialize with people outside of work, and I have no close friends of my own. That’s fine for me, but I know my kids need something. The oldest, brilliant in math and computers, is less social than I am, and I worry. The younger is more social than all of us put together and will do fine, once he learns to deal with other issues. I used to be considered aloof or stuck-up as a kid. Lack of empathy has made life miserable in many ways; people interpret it for the worst, and in some cases the damage is irreversible. Few care to understand, so rather than find someone who does, I keep it bottled up and solitary. I can’t even have a reasonable conversation with my own mother about anything. I long for the “storybook” perfect relationships with family and friends, but reality is what it is. I can, above all, be a friend to my kids, and they’ll need that more than anything. So it’s just us against the world.
I am not so sure “fitting in” is a worthy goal in and of itself. Lots of socially accepted behaviors are actually harmful.Look at all the people who have taken up smoking in order to fit in.
My son has AS and wasn’t diagnosed until he was an adult. He has a 2 year college degree in Biology but works a menial part time job at a news paper. He has the extreme anxiety of being around people he doesn’t know and even some close relatives too. We have tried therapy to see if he could get a handle on his social skills but it didn’t work. He will find holes in every suggestion provided by a therapist and I believe fear is holding him back. We are going to be trying for the 3rd time with a therapist next week with the goal of behavioral tools that might help him feel more comfortable in society. My biggest worry in this life is that I will pass away and my son will not be able to care for himself with a good job and a home or apartment of his own. There does not seem to be any programs for adults with AS that I can locate. This article is one of the best ones I’ve seen that describes almost exactly what my son has shared with me on how he feels.
My son was diagnosed in 2nd grade,and was also diagnosed a borderline genius by a school psychologist,he’s very smart,he’s 11 years old now,in 6th grade,but very antisocial, but he’s getting there,one day at a time.
I wish there were support groups for teens with Apergers! I tried to find one in our area and theirs none! I think this would be great for them!
I have aspergers syndrome. I am 31 years old . I hate the stereotypes ,mainly perpetrated by Autism speaks, that i am supposed to be male, mute and excel.at math or be rain man. I am female. I am a social.butterfly. no 2 aspies are the same. So dont tell me who i am. I am not mad at anyone here just frustrated.
I want people to know that it is not just the children of today that have Aspergers, it is also the children of yesterday. Many of them undiagnosed, misdiagnosed and were never treated or treated with the wrong therapy. This all happened at a time when mental health care was changing in the 80s. We need to make an effort to go back and teach that demographic the vital skills they need as well. Maybe we can learn from them ways to create better programs too. We should at least make the current programs as available to adults as children.
Thanks for this. I agree 100% with a few added comments regarding right brain intelligence. As a society for 2000 years we have only respected and valued our left brain. This is the part that can remember, calculate and come up with proven answers. You cannot deny it. It is logical. Most men are left brain oriented, and most women are right brain, however, there is no gender to the brain other than left and right if you will (creative and logical). The problem we are having today is that women are waking up and taking back their place. They thought for 2000 years that they had to be virgins, or whores, and child makers and raisers to be anyone. We were property until last century. We are evolving from slavery and most don’t know it still – they just think they are mental when really they want to scream out their own unconscious TRUTH. The right brain is where music, arts, poetry, cooking, sewing, CREATIONS come from. The right brain is the creator, and it has been shut up with slavery and now anti-depressant medication for us when we say, “Hey, I’m sick here – what’s up with that?” They will tell you you are sick indeed, here is a baby effexor (chemical lobodomy) to tide you over for the rest of your miserable existence. And that is what it feels like after a few months of getting nothing done on them. It is not a cure it is drugs to shut you and everyone like you up. This is why we see more females getting ‘labeled’ then males. However, the right brain boys (ADHD anyone?) have now been given METH, which is the core ingredient in Adderall and Ritalin we all just learned last week. Big pharma owns the medical and mental health community and it’s time folks like you and me keep speaking up against punishing reactive behavior and starting to listen. The right brain – when awake – creates airplanes, internet and so much more of our life because it has no limits to the thinking. Bless them don’t drug them please.
Thank you for this article. My son was diagnosed ASD (Aspergers) almost a year ago when he was 10. He was also diagnosed with ADHD at age 5. He has Anxiety and some Motor Ticks. He is very bright and full of energy. He is very social. Infact I would say too social. He thinks everyone is his friend. He is loud and speaks excitadly and exagerated. He sometimes gets in your face. Strangers stare and even close family think he is being rude but that is just how he expresses himself. I have to constantly tell him not to yell because it comes across as rude. He does it again. He is usually a sweet and sensitive child but sometimes can blurt out whatever harsh thing is on his mind. Now that he is Middle School he is beginning to stick out because he is not socially maturing at the same rate as his friends. He says his friends all think he is “crazy” because he “rages” (acts wild) and that they get annoyed by him. He prayed for God to help him stop “acting up.” I confess I have been feeling lost as to his diagnosis. He does not really fit the typical Autism profile or even other Asperger articles I have read. Again thank you for this article. I’m going to translate it to my Mom so that she can stop calling a “spoiled brat”.
My Alek is the sweetest boy you’ll ever know. He gets really upset when someone says something mean to anyone and he will call you out. He loves his family. He’s so blunt and so funny. I cannot see my life without him. I love tlkng to him it’s like tlkng to an adult. Love you Alek
I wish people would quit telling my son he needs to be tougher because he’s too sensitive.I need people to know my son is kind, sweet,perfectly and wonderfully made.Because if you cry , he’ll cry with you.I need people to stop bullying him just because they know how he’ll react and he gets in trouble for it not the bully.I need people to know he doesn’t understand social situations without someone helping him to interact.Just because he has outburst doesn’t mean he’s a behavior problem he’s just having anxiety and overwhelmed.dont just remove him from every bit talk to him, don’t isolate him but help him talk it out.Muy son is may have aspergers but aspergers isn’t my son.My son has a big heart, he’s smart, loves people and animals, he laughs and smiles a lot, he’s a very happy kid, he’s a overcome, survivor, he’s a dreamer, and can draw, build, and create wonderful things just with a though.My son is different because there are too many people out there trying to be the same.My son is unafraid because of his aspergers.He thinks outside the box because of his aspergers, he forgives and loves more than most in this world because of his aspergers.My son has ASD because God said this world needed more love.God put my son on earth to teach others not to hate one another but welcome one another.to be a friend.people need to stop trying to say fix him, and realize maybe he’s not needing to be fixed maybe you need to rethink your own opinions.My son has self esteem issues because of this and he’s scared to be himself around people because he doesn’t fit in but when he’s home I see him once the world has vanished from his mind.
I have a 17 year old son who has been unofficially diagnosed with AS, he’s currently seeing a pediatrician for formal diagnosis. I am a little bothered by the fact that in the beginning of the article it states children with AS don’t have cognitive or speech difficulties. My son has both. He has cognitive issues and severe speech & language impairment. He was also verbally delayed/non verbal until nearly 4 years old. Perhaps upon completion of his assessment the pediatrician may conclude he has moderate autism or something a little worse than AS, but I think more research needs to go into children not suffering from those before it’s stated they don’t! Great article though.
Very well written and expressed. Just want to add that antisocial behavior in the dsm refers to something very different. I see that you mention social anxiety and i agree with that being connected to autism spectrum but antisocial is more about someone not having any conscience and not feeling empathy.
Thanks angela
I have seen a huge turn around with my Aspie 13 year old daughter this year due to some relatively minor ways in which I approach her to do things. The most significant things I have noticed are that if she is reminded (not demanded) to do a task – she will do it (when she is ready). And if new information or a stressful situation come her way she often overreacts or reacts negatively – she just needs time to process it, then she resets and gets on with things.
Unfortunately, those who insist on her always doing things their way or don’t make allowances for her to process her feelings – miss out on her attributes and she is starting to become self-protective against these people. She is becoming much more confident in herself and is so helpful when she is given the opportunity!
I wish I would have known that my daughter could have had therapy to help with her Aspergers. Instead I was left to deal with it and I was ok with it. I thought, its not really a problem. When it becomes a problem, then we will deal with it. Bad bad bad mistske. I fear that my relationship with my daughter is now irreparable. I love her with all my heart but she hasn’t spoken to me in 4 years, since she was 16, and nothing I can do will change her mind.
Work on it while they are young to avoid problems later. No one told me.
With the amount of comments on here, I’m not sure that mine will be seen. I do hope that at least one person here who is concerned about their child stops and takes a look at the medications that their aspergers child is taking. My son was seeing someone who was prescribing so many meds that we ended up in the ER. If your instinct is telling you that your child is being over medicated, you are probably right. Every child is different, but in our case, the the majority of our son with asperger’s problems were a result of anxiety. He has gone from 3 meds to one. It took a long time to wean him off of the junk that his pharma-motivated prescriber gave him, but now we have our son back. PLEASE be aware and trust your instincts.
I wish that people would understand that my 14 year old son has the kindest heart in the world and he absolutely loves babies. He has Aspergers but that doesn’t make him a monster or a freak or anything else he is still just a kid trying to deal with something he has no control over. I also wish that people wouldn’t be so quick to judge him and label him a trouble maker.
I wasn’t diagnosed till in my 50’s… It put my whole life in perspective. I wish people understood, i dont get hints, tell me what you mean straight up. The other thing is, i do not mean to be rude or too blunt. But i do not know how to say it any other way. Social speach…. I dont get it..
Out daughter is an Aspie and was “diagnosed” by a child behavior specialist when she was 8. The diagnosis helped us as parents to have more patience in frustrating situations, it helped us realize that even though our child learned to read fluently before she was 4 just by being read to and watching programs like Sesame Street and Between the Lions, it was perfectly OK, and we should stay calm and simply explain again, if we had to explain to her what was acceptable/not acceptable behavior for the 20th, 30th or even 109th time. The reason I wrote “diagnosed” in quotation marks is that several people on this board, many with young adult children have been calling out for help on how to get a diagnosis. I simply wanted to point out that there is no wonder drug available that will cure your Aspie child that will only become available if they get an official diagnosis, they will still have Asperger’s, a piece of paper won’t help with that. Who it might help is parents of school age children as they can get an IEP (individualized Education Plan) if they wish. We chose not to do that as the accommodations granted would have been extra time on assignments or similar small changes. Our daughters Aspergers is mild, we wanted her to learn to live in a neuro -typical world, as an adult in a job we doubted that any diagnosis would excuse her from missing important deadlines so wanted her to learn ways to meet the expectations she would have to face as an adult. If problems did seem to be starting at school we would write to her teachers to let them know, we wanted them to be aware of how difficult she might find it to maintain eye contact, to not put her down in any way if she blurted out something in class and in particular to know that her stoic expression did not mean she wasn’t feeling any emotion, (if she wasn’t showing a reaction to criticism some teachers had really pressed an issue or even yelled at her and would be horrified when she suddenly had a total emotional breakdown). A diagnosis doesn’t really help older children or adults other than to help them accept and learn ways to cope with their differences. If you already feel your child is an Aspie then you don’t need an official diagnosis to accept them for who they are and to help them learn different ways of coping with the situations that cause difficulties for them. There is no cure, just love, acceptance and support.
Thank God my daughter has one true friend. Unfortunately this friend is a busy person and has minimal time to spend lately. Most time all my daughter has is me. 🙁 I worry so much of her future because she is physically limited (cerebral palsy) very dependent on me. She is very lonely, therefore very depressed. She is a beautiful, caring young lady that is so socially awkward she is paralyzed even with a simple “hello”.
Very succinct and concise. Thank you.
Well, here, if I may, are my two cents.
I’m an adult with Asperger’s and, no, you don’t “outgrow” it. You find out as an adult, particularly in 2016 with Black Lives Matter permeating our everyday life (i.e. one of the most consistent trending topics) that you can draw parallels with racial profiling and the issues people with Asperger’s Syndrome face; I would like the day to come in which we identify “neurotypicalism” as one of the many “-isms”.
I think that number 5 sums up the entire issue nicely- predicating a child’s (and adult’s) value as a person on the concept of being “normal”. I feel that unless a person, no matter what her age is, engages in clinically observed abnormal behavior, we should not assume that anyone is “abnormal”. That word “normal” or its antonym “abnormal” are very, very subjective terms in the context of everyday language, yet, it’s so CRUCIAL to live up to this abstract term called “being normal”, and, as I said, that’s what predicates people’s valuations- thus the problem.
If I may, I grew up as a child in the 1990s. There was no Internet to disperse information regarding Asperger’s Syndrome, and, at least where I grew up, no one had heard of it; it was simply “autistic tendencies”. So there I was an emotionally fragile, easily agitated, flunked-a-grade, ’90s child, undiagnosed. I had (and still do) an older sibling by 5.5 years who was “normal”. How so? Well, he played baseball and he had a group of friends. In fact, my brother was very, very popular during his school years, yet, he also engaged in substance abuse regularly (e.g. drinking underage, consuming drugs on my parents’ property, etc.), was prone to anger outburgs against my parents, and was often abusive toward me. He was clearly troubled, yet, he was “normal”, and therefore, didn’t need any kind of help since, compared to me, a child who wasn’t into sports and didn’t have a “popular” reputation, again, he was “normal”.
It’s this concept of “normal” that blinds parents and teachers I feel to arranging for help for kids who genuinely need it (i.e. kids with clear deviant tendencies) and imposing (way) too much (ahem) “help” on to kids who would be so much better off being left alone. I think people, too, should appreciate that not only is “normal” subjective from person to person (e.g. very relative) but it’s also subjective in culture to culture. Some cultures don’t necessarily place so much importance on athletic ability as our culture does, and instead, on academic achievement as a simple example, but a little more complex is an example of Eastern Europe’s importance on being “blunt” (our concept of it) whereas Asian cultures are much more subtle as is the West- extremely conscientious toward face-saving. In other words, in a culture or environment in which sports aren’t the “norm” and “face-saving” isn’t quite as crucial, someone with Asperger’s might, at least, be considered “normal”.
By “face-saving”, too, I mean that people with Asperger’s might be construed as dense since they have to have things spelled out for them (to put it simply) and what I find and what I’m sure so many others find is emotions aren’t readily explained due to feelings wanting to be spared. Unfortunately, this results in gross miscommunications with people with Asperger’s; I’ve had to work very, very hard to learn this to maintain employment- at a minimum. Again, though, since it’s so embedded in our culture to save face by not being explicit with one’s emotions that people who can’t pick up on (objectively stated) very subtle social cues will be construed as “not normal”.
The point I’ve made is that perhaps we shouldn’t necessarily diagnose people with “Asperger’s” until we evaluate what exactly we construe as “normal” first.
Thank you.
I have 2 with this, next weeks my middle ones birthday, their won’t be much of a party, he doesn’t have friends.
It’s interesting that autistic people do better with a gluten free diet too!
Hi does anyone know how to get tested for autism as a adult in South Jersey while on Medicaid? Though im willing to pay what I can. My wife is 38 we have 5 kids 3 of which are diagnosed on the autism spectrum. My wife was diagnosed with bipolar few years ago was told most of her life she had depression before that but her symptoms are like are 2 daughters. Of which my 16 year old just got diagnosed, it seems long process for girls were my son was diagnosed at 4. As the doctor said he considered them with aspergers if we were still using the old diagnostic criteria. Both me and my wife think she may be wrongly treated or have both because she an adult. I hope someone can please help!
My 8 yr old was diagnosed last year. (Almost 9) we do not watch the news, because he worries about “world problems”. He doesn’t understand stranger danger, and thinks he can get away from the bad guy.
We have experienced the violence. In fact today was a bad day. Bath day, he ended up being put in the tub in his shorts and socks. ( rushing him to get clean) I got bit, scratched, hit and have lost my hugs for a week. It’s been a long day.
I really liked this article and can relate to it one hundred percent. I have Aspergers and so does my 21 year old daughter. Until she was diagnosed I honestly didn’t even know what it was but afterwards everything made so much sense. The one part of your article that was very interesting to me was the part about violence and why some people may be perceived that way. I remember when my daughter was young probably about 6 or 7 years old there were a couple of times she went into an all out rage and trashed her teachers class room. What was happening was that she was getting overwhelmed and reached a point where she couldn’t handle it anymore. I along with her teacher (she had an awesome teacher who understood all of this) were able to teach her other coping methods such as using her words to express what she was feeling instead of getting physical. It took a while but it did work.
This certainly isn’t the case with everyone but I just found it interesting.
I am also living proof that at least for me, one doesn’t outgrow Aspbergers. I have learned over several years how to manage it better but everything in this article was spot on for me.
Thanks for writing this article.
My grandson has aspergers. This is the 1st sight that discribes 100% the way he is. We have a problem w/ people not wanting him around because they don’t want to try and understand what is in his head. They just don’t want to be put in situations
that make them feel uncomfortable, or just don’t want to be bothered.
MLM, Asperger’s Syndrome was an official diagnosis prior to the DSM-5. My daughter was diagnosed as the DMS-5 was being implemented and was therefore diagnosed with High Functioning Autism rather than Asperger’s, because they combined them in the new DSM. However, I must say (and in my own personal opinion) that I don’t completely agree with the blend. I have cared for several kids who are on various areas of the spectrum and as I learned more about my daughter’s diagnosis, I noticed so many things that are very different with Asperger’s v. Autism (based on the DSM-IV). I feel that some of the assistance needed is being overlooked because I have learned, too, that some educational facilities deny the help needed outside the home because they say they just dont “see” autism. I have also found that this seems to be more commonly happening with girls on the spectrum. I wish there were more ways to educate the educators of our Aspie babies on some of the differences so they can better help these young girls who are so often overlooked simply because “she tries to make friends and she plays with others on the playground”. Of course she does!! I have pushed her since she was 3 to try to get in and play with others rather than sitting back just wanting to watch. Don’t get me wrong though, I am not saying that some of the teachers aren’t trying. They just don’t have enough time in the day with 20+ kids to help where it is needed when a child is denied the assistance they need. One problem with that is that she tries so hard at school but winds up overwhelmed because she doesn’t understand the work and/or too much is going on around her in class, so she will withdraw rather than act out…but that is only until she gets home to me. Then, the release of built up emotion. So, yes, Asperger’s may be a high functioning form of Autism and is now diagnosed as an ASD but in my eyes, there are enough variances between the 2 to justify the separation in order to achieve the actual assistance they truly need so that we CAN help our kids in the way that best fits THE CHILD, not the diagnosis.
I’m an Aspie and darn proud of it. I am not some random diagnosis, a footnote in a random textbook. I am not a mistake. I am not abnormal, antisocial, disabled or any of the words and definitions that get thrown about. There is nothing wrong with me. There is EVERYTHING right with me.
I am me. I am gloriously me. I am wonderfully, weirdly, absurdly, uncomfortably, brilliantly me in every way, shape and form that matters, to anyone in my life that matters. The people that take the time to look past my shyness and awkwardness revel in my weirdness.
The ones that don’t, or can’t or won’t don’t deserve to see what I have to offer. They don’t get to hear about the amazing things I have done and accomplished, despite and in spite of what they see as a disability. They don’t get to hear about my 2 careers, and retiring from both with my honour, my integrity, my self-respect and my humour, innocence, inquisitiveness and shyness still intact and thriving.
Everything they take for granted, I struggle with every day. Every easy conversation they have, I envy. Every home gathering I am not invited to stings. But I coup. I learned to coup. I learned to make my own fun. I learned on my own how to enjoy and cultivate, how to seek out and nurture my own special brand of normality.
I am normal, y’all are the weird ones.
I have a son who has AS and is 26 years old. I can’t get him to go for counseling or anything else. He doesn’t want to look for a job. All he wants to do is stay at home and watch tv. Anybody have any ideas because I’m at my wits end. My son is very smart, he got a 31 on the ACT, and I don’t have the patience for him. I, myself, is on disability and I’m tired of seeing him just sitting there. Again if anyone has any suggestions pleased Contact me.
All these are so true my boy has been given an undiagnosis because of the school where he attends so am now currently awaiting another assessment to be carried out as other professionals that are involved again are saying different. My boy is 14 years of age and doesn’t socialise what so ever outside of school hours and has only 1 true ‘friend’ but doesn’t communicate with him outside of school, school just see him as a quiet shy boy even though he is struggling with reading and writing they are not willing to help support me in his assessments what so ever which has been seen in reports they have given he has been asked to have a cognitive assessment but school have refused this! My child being aspie makes no difference to me but him having a full diagnosis would be able to get him the support he needs
Children with Aspergers become young adults with Aspergers. I do think that Aspergers is misunderstood and popularly considered to be a lesser form of ‘real’ autism; I hear comments about my younger grown up daughter that can be quite annoying such as “she looks alright to me!” “she doesn’t seem to be violent” implying that because she is not in a wheelchair or grimmacing all the time that she must be able to function like everyone else in other ways too..my daughter is nearly 24 and still lives with me and needs a lot of support that others of her age wouldn’t need or want for that matter…whilst she manages a small ‘part-time’ job within an ‘autism specific’ setting with lots of support – onlookers who don’t understand Aspergers say tactless things like, “why can’t she manage a full time job like the rest of us have to?!” I wish people would stop pitching the skills and abilities of Asperger and Autistic people against everyone else’s, it is unfair and sets them up to failure. They are different, they will likely need extra support and understanding all of their life. This is hard enough without facing constant assessments, judgements from outside people and agencies who are clearly not living it/walking the walk. I feel like I am always fighting a battle for resources or understanding, this makes our lives harder than is necessary.
I loved this article. It shows real understanding for the condition, something that is very hard to find.
What I wish other people would know, is that you really REALLY shouldn’t call a child with Asperger’s “crazy” or “bad”. My daughter has spent many nights crying on my shoulder, unable to sleep, because someone at school called her crazy. A teacher at the same school told her that God was punishing her. Yet another told her she was going to hell. My daughter is a lovely girl, who loves all animals, especially cats. She won’t hurt a fly. My worst moment was when she came to me and asked: “Mom, am I a bad person?” How cruel “normal” people can be…
My biggest issue is that people get angry with him when he does not interact with them. They assume because he looks normal, he should be. He is a big guy 28 now, but still we have problems when we go places or travel by plane. If he gets pulled aside for questioning during security, he gets confused about the questions, he doesn’t look at them which makes them more suspicious, and if he gets really overwhelmed! he will just walk off. I have to intervene , but that is hard because he is my adopted son who is a different skin color so security always gets upset until i explain. I think that is embarrassing for him to explain! so everyone can hear. He is smart in so many ways, but dealing with society and social cues are! Very hard for him.
Hello, I’m from Indonesia and have AS kid 13 years old. He was very obsess with pre historic stuff and problem with his motoric. At 6 years old he was even could not catch the ball and always get home crying after school. I had an initiative to put him in swimming exercise to help his focus and body postur. 2 times a week he had swimming and reached at least 1000meters. At his 9 years old until now he start playing tennis 2x/ week and really like this sport. One year ago he also had a Pilates class for 35 session which is very good for his body awareness. But in our country Pilates is very expensive so I stopped the class and more focus on Tennis. However I can see a lot of improvement after Pilates, he has better body postur and shapped. This year he start with piano and guitar class. He is very excellent in this two music instrument and I can see there’s self esteem improvement as he realise he is good at music and sport. I also teach him, its ok to be an AS kid but look, there’s so much thing you can do even other non AS kid can’t do. Right school also important. Now he is study at small international school who has Transition Education Centre which the goals is to bring special edu student go to mainstream class step by step. He is a happy kid now. Not so many friend at school but still have 1-2 close friend and like his school. Please note: small school which all students knows each other (also the parents and teacher is very important). I pray for all AS kids and their parents wherever they are…..
My son goes for screening tomorrow I am nervous for him. I have always know he is different but he is an awesome little boy I just wish teachers and other people would understand he is not like everyone else
I wish everyone knew that our daughter who is on the autism spectrum and diagnosed with ADHD is a loved child of God who yearns to belong and be liked. Sometimes she misreads the emotional cues of others; sometimes she is too aggessive; sometimes she melts down. She can’t just “snap out of it” or “just work harder to focus”. I wish parent’s of her school classmates would try to be more empathetic and understand that when they teach their child to love and include children like our daughter that both children grow. If the parent instead complains to the principal / head teacher that they don’t want their child with my daughter (or others like her) – then both children are diminished.
I’m an Aspie and darn proud of it. I am not some random diagnosis, a footnote in a random textbook. I am not a mistake. I am not abnormal, antisocial, disabled or any of the words and definitions that get thrown about. There is nothing wrong with me. There is EVERYTHING right with me.
I am me. I am gloriously me. I am wonderfully, weirdly, absurdly, uncomfortably, brilliantly me in every way, shape and form that matters, to anyone in my life that matters. The people that take the time to look past my shyness and awkwardness revel in my weirdness.
The ones that don’t, or can’t or won’t don’t deserve to see what I have to offer. They don’t get to hear about the amazing things I have done and accomplished, despite and in spite of what they see as a disability. They don’t get to hear about my 2 careers, and retiring from both with my honour, my integrity, my self-respect and my humour, innocence, inquisitiveness and shyness still intact and thriving.
Everything they take for granted, I struggle with every day. Every easy conversation they have, I envy. Every home gathering I am not invited to stings. But I coup. I learned to coup. I learned to make my own fun. I learned on my own how to enjoy and cultivate, how to seek out and nurture my own special brand of normality.
I am normal, y’all are the weird ones.
My husband has undiagnosed AS. He is an amazing man. He is brilliant, and committed, and can focus all of his attention to any situation. Sometimes he needs help knowing what I need emotionally. But, I don’t consider this a weakness of our relationship. I have to ask him for emotional support or engagement, or to focus on me. But this means I have to know what I need and I have to trust that he wants to give that to me.
He is not disabled. Some social situations or cues are impossible for him to read. I will not punish him for not understanding what other people are hinting at. We joke that his logic a superpower or he is just part Vulcan.
I want to parents of children with AS to know that close relationships are in your child’s future. Marriage and family are possible. Most people might not get your kid, but MOST people don’t matter. It will be tough, but it will be ok.
I’m a lifelong Aspie. It’s bad. As a child, I was the most awkward person I knew. I would be inside my head, screaming “NO, do not embarrass yourself”, and I wouldn’t listen.
There are so many little things that I remember, that have affected me my whole life…
My best friend’s mom criticized me, for the way I said “wash” (warsh), I will never forget her making me feel stupid, and I have never said it wrong again.
I never had a filter. Brain to mouth, or in my actions. I embarrassed my parents, my friends and myself, regularly. I still have issues, but don’t have anyone close to me that I can embarrass.
My kids love that I’m weird. I know I’ll have more to work on, and help them with, once they are school age, but right now, we just enjoy life.
I work, hard, with my 3 year old. I know he has asperger’s too.
My husband just stays away from me. He loves me, but he doesn’t understand, and I think he is fed up with my attitude, and me always saying what I think, instead of what he needs to hear. I love him too, but I had more self control before we had babies. I don’t think telling him I have asperger’s would help either. I never thought having kids would make it worse. But I can’t tell him, 6 years in, to buckle up.
As a wife of someone with Asperger’s and a daughter with Asperger’s (which is so hard to get diagnosed in girls!) I can relate to a lot of this. Yes they make me cringe in social situations but I am here to help them and in reality they are just fine without intervention in most cases. I’m am open and up front with everyone about them and their qualities. They may or may not understand and that is okay. I do my best to guide my daughter in areas like expressing her emotions as well as in social situations what is expected of her, but I love her quirks! I adore my husband, yes it can be very frustrating as I am very emotional and he is logical and non emotional. I have learned how to cope with it and he has too. I love the way their minds take leaps and bounds, watching them get excited over things is amazing too. My oldest daughter is not on the spectrum so I work with her so she understands their issues and knows they are different, how they are different, and how to cope when issues arise. It has been a hard but wonderful growing experience for us all.
My Godson is 12 yrs old now. I know when he was a baby there was something different. But, it didnt stop me from teaching him. My Xak is very smart and very loving. He does have problems socially,I think has OCD, and high tolerance for pain. I have alot of patience for him. But, his family doesnt really understand how to care for him. I know its hard. And I do what I can to help.
i DIDN’T EVEN GET PAST THE 1ST PARAGRAPH BECAUSE there is a sentence that dismisses the idea of children who have Asperger’s do not have speech problems…humm..that’s ironic considering my son has been diagnosed with Asperger’s yet is in speech therapy. Perhaps more research is warranted.You may say “less likely” but do not dismiss anything on the autism spectrum. Each child is unique, and varies in their capabilities.
I can function in social settings with people I know very well, but really struggle to be social with people I don’t know well or struggle in large groups.
I am thankful I had an older brother who allowed me to tag along. That helped me develop relationships and be more normal. I could not have developed relationships on my own.
In additional comment to your 4th poster Rachel, my son also is very social. He can be loud when excited and also has a problem identifying when to put on the brakes. Humor is an obstacle. He finds the type of physical comedy in old 50’s and 60’s TV shows easy to follow, but not sarcasm. When he makes a joke and no one laughs he gets frustrated. Since humor is subjective it is hard for him to figure out why some people think only some things are funny. At 22 I still explain the process best I can to him.
He has found one group of young men and women who found a common ground in a fandom of a TV show and they have neuro-typicals as well as special needs members. They all watch out for one another and rule one is respect. He is doing very well with these new friends. Their group leader is very caring and makes sure those who need any extra help gets it.
My son is 16 and has Aspergers..Has any one else has troubles with their child school not understanding your child. Mine seems to at a loss. He has an IEP,but because of his high intelligence and good behavior they think he is just lazy. They don’t offer much advice or help. He isin all regular ed classes and only guided study halls. He did’nt qualify under Autism. He is under ” Other health impairments”.He has a dyignosis of Aspergers, so why can I not get the help I feel he needs. As his parent I have had enough. I need advice please.
It is misleading to use a headline like “This Is What Children With Asperger’s Syndrome Wish You Knew” and then have all the bullet points be myths. In this day and age people skip opening paragraphs and skim articles far more often than they read everything from top to bottom. Basically, people expect to gain the information in the article by reading the title and the boldfaced points, and everything else is considered filler that might bring more information but is unnecessary. By setting up your list as things that people with Asperger’s want others to know, but then listing things that are the opposite of fact, you confuse your readers and are doing more to strengthen these myths than disprove them. It would be more effective (and accurate) to make the boldfaced bullet points things that children with Asperger’s Syndrome did wish others knew, like ‘It’s not something you outgrow’ or ‘Being antisocial isn’t a choice’ — or, even better, to just title the article “Myths That Children With Asperger’s Syndrome Wish You Knew Were False.” But as it stands, this is a journalistic/miscommunication nightmare.
Thanks for the feedback – we will take this into consideration with our future posts.
I am approaching 60 and I just now recognize that I check every one of the symptom boxes, and always have my entire life. It took me over 50 years to finally be able to interact socially with others without embarrassing myself. And, yes, it is exhausting to engage in social situations because it requires hyper vigilance – both of others’ social cues and my own responses. Saying as little as possible seems to be the best strategy, which is hard to do because we like to talk about the few things that interest us.
At this stage of my life, it kind of seems pointless to seek therapy. But, at least I know there’s a reason behind everything that has happened in my life, and that it’s not simply because I’m an a**hole. Although I guess Aspergers does make you one. So, I guess I don’t get to lose that label.
I haven’t read anything about this, but I was wondering if others with this condition also have very poor memories of their past? I think that when every memory of your past is one in which you embarrassed yourself or others, you tend to deliberately erase those memories.
I wanted to reply to you because your post hit the nail on the head for me. For years I struggled with social situations, I still do, but because I’ve learned to ‘deal’ with it, I don’t fit the profile either.
I’ve been told by multiple people that I change my likes and dislikes to fit with other people. I’ve come to realize, that is my coping mechanism.
Remember that people with Schizotypal Personality Disorder tend to often get confused with those who have Asperger’s. These two conditions share many similar characteristics but each are their own situation , Aspergers falls on the Autistic Spectrum while Schizotypal Personality Disorder falls on the Schizophrenial Spectrum. People also get the terminology confused because Schizotypal Personality Disorder is StPD not SPD. SPD is Sensory Processing Disorder. Being somebody who lives in this world, it’s important to use the terminology correctly. It’s all in the Diagnostics Statistics Manual (DSM)
Excellent list. I too, would appreciate seeing a term other than antisocial used as it doesn’t properly describe Aspergers, and carries quite negative connotations. I heard from a professional once: personality first; diagnosis second. This certainly applies in just my home alone. I have two boys with AS. As others have commented, one of my sons is incredibly outgoing. Honest, impulsive, independent, silly, funny, but a bit socially odd at times and can take something too far or not know when to stop, but he’s not at all withdrawn. He is more comfortable in a leadership role, as playing by his rules helps him feel less muddled during unstructured social play. He struggled to connect more deeply than acquaintance level until about age 8, but now he has his few good buddies and is able to play in groups once he studied social cues, impulse control, sensory integration, and understood social games, etc. Whereas, my other son is naturally quite shy and introspective and is very attached only to those he knows very well, but is a bit more classically withdrawn, socially – he is capable of conversation with adults or siblings at home but it is very uncomfortable for him with peers at this point. Parallel play, difficulty with eye contact, etc. Both may initially have atypical responses to expressed emotion, however both are incredibly empathetic and thoughtful and full of appropriate emotion once it is processed.
[…] unfortunate stereotypes that come with it. I found a really good article about these stereotypes here. Even as someone who has lived with the condition since I was eleven years old (I’m not […]
Children and adults with Asperger’s syndrome experience a wide variety of symptoms, and no two cases are exactly the same. Some individuals will face minor issues that don’t interfere with their everyday lives, while others will struggle to function in academic, social, and workplace environments. Knowing the symptoms of Asperger’s can help parents, and patients themselves, get an accurate diagnosis. You can also refer to this article which states all the necessary details about aspergers https://www.everydayhealth.com/aspergers/what-are-signs-symptoms-disorder/
Asperger’s syndrome is observed as high-functioning autism by the doctors and most often overlooked as less severe and no such observed signs for language delays are observed.
Early diagnosis and treatment are important for individuals with Asperger’s syndrome to eventually live independently.
I work as a Sped tutor at Arizona Centers for Comprehensive Education and Life Skills and awareness regarding Asperger’s syndrome has grown moderately during the past couple of years, which do require public attention.
This post surely shares some true insights.
They struggle and love more deeply than others know…they need understanding….they are picked on and bullied. I wish I knew when my child was young what I know now. I know people in general don’t understand Autism. But in the schools since there are so many misdiagnosis they need to have education classes for teachers children and public…Some how…maybe a educational show on TV. So these children and people get the understanding they need.
We just discovered that my son has Aspergers. I have some questions for you guys: 1- How do I differenciate between Aspergers and bad education? I tend to think that the frustration attacks of my son are because he was pampered from us and we gave him too many things. 2- Is it normal for people with Aspergerst to DESTROY THINGS CONTINUOUSLY? 3- My son tends to be LAZY at school… He says that it is boring and that he hates school… What is the reason for this? I believe that he is quiet intelligent and my husband and I as well as grandmas and grandpa are very persistent, hard working and intelligent so when I see my child wasting the time I get quiet desperate. 4- His main interest has to do with tanks, submarines, weapons, technology! I am a pacifist so I get REALLY NERVOUS with this! He wants to have the game world of tanks and I am not sure if it is good to give it to him… I am REALLY interested in your opinion about this because it gets on my nerves.
Thanks!
My aunt has suggested that I talk to my daughter’s pediatrician about her possibly having Asperger’s. She’s almost 4, extremely smart, social but sometimes very awkward, but has explosive fits that she just can’t be calmed down from. Fits over seemingly inconsequential things like furniture being rearranged. How can I help my daughter?!?!
Genetic factors also appear to be important in Autism Spectrum Disorders including Asperger s Syndrome. For example, the hereditary factor is observed between 37% and 90% of the people affected by this disorder. It has been discovered that up to 15% of cases are associated with a genetic mutation.
I don’t have Asperger’s syndrome but my boyfriend of 3 years does have it and although our relationship has been significantly difficult we have a 1 month old son together and my questions to anybody who has a child with someone who has Aspergers. #1 With only one of the parent having Aspergers does the child get it too? And #2 what was/is your relationship like with both your spouse and your child?
TIA!
I have a 16 year old son. Hasn’t been diagnosed yet. Waiting on doctor. But he is really struggling with keeping friends. He wants so bad to fit in but doesn’t know how. When he make friends he normally pushes them away because he doesn’t know when enough is enough. I hate seeing him practically begging to be friends. And he says what’s on his mind and don’t think about the other person’s feelings.
There is a misconception about kids with Aspergers and what part of the spectrum they are on. I would like some of the social information changed on this page because it give teachers and schools a misconception and false sense of diagnosis about Asperger kids. They can be extremely social but awkward. My son is extremely outgoing and will talk to anyone. He has a hard time listening to others, caring about what they are talking about or want to do, space, appropriate comments and intrusive. For example: he meet a boy at Starbucks and told him his name and then gave him a name because he didn’t know his. Instead of introducing himself and asking the young mans name, he named him. The boy said that’s not my name and my son said well I don’t know your name so ill call you Jeremy. They don’t read body language and emotions very well. The school said, well he plays with everyone and I told him he doesn’t have a solid set of friends. They often get mad at him and short with him. He will change groups, not ask to join, and when he upsets people in the group he moves on; having no root friends. They often break things unintentionally and have a hard time with small motor skills. It amazes me how teachers believe that they can “break” him of his behavior. No we can teach them what is considered “normal” to social. I always say, I wouldn’t change him for the world and I am so blessed to be his mom. He has taught me more than I could ever teach him. So blessed
Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew: Updated and Expanded Edition Paperback October 1, 2012 Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, d Edition: Revised and Updated $15.29 In Stock.
My 14 yr old grandson has Aspergers. He says such mean and degrading things to his 18 yr old brother who has more social issues than the Aspergers child, but is not diagnosed with Aspergers. The Aspergers grandchild seems to say these things out of jealousy, but none of the ‘normal’ discipline methods work such as talking to him about how hurtful the remarks are, giving him extra attention for the things he does, time outs for being so hurtful to his brother, giving them separate activities they enjoy, withholding privileges for his remarks. My Aspergers grandson is such a loving person to everyone except his brother. What can be done to stop such negative, hurtful remarks.
I have Asperger’s. I would like people to stop thinking that people who are anywhere on the spectrum are “retards”. Aspies are normally extremely smart. They aren’t slow at all.
Sorry but people need to understand that there is a difference between being anti-social and being unsociable: anti-social behaviour is crime for example but most aspies are unsociable which is not the same thing at all.